


Dear Recovery

by alixinsanity



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), civil war - Fandom
Genre: AU ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes's Notebooks, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Civil War, Developing Relationship, Fluff, For reasons, M/M, Multi, Protective Steve Rogers, Recovery, Relationship(s), Spoilers, Steve drives a Bug, Therapy, so many feels from this movie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-06 15:45:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6760060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alixinsanity/pseuds/alixinsanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were free; free from the sanctions that were nearly placed on them, free from prison. </p><p>They were no longer fighting against their friends, their allies, their country. </p><p>There was still a long way to go before they were free from themselves though. </p><p> </p><p>This is your warning, Civil War spoilers be ahead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PoisonIvy0212](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonIvy0212/gifts).



> Final warning, if you've wandered this far and have failed to see that there will be Civil war spoilers below, you are on your own.

Bucky had insisted on accompanying him in the quinjet for his rescue mission for the rest of the team. Dangerous, Yes. Stupid, even more so; but Steve couldn't find it within himself to refuse. He had finally gotten his Bucky back after seventy years in the ice and the four years since he'd woke up. So maybe he was being slightly lenient, but it was understandable. 

Steve wasn't expecting Bucky to run away at the first opportunity; there had been far too many opportunities for Bucky to do that already. He couldn't deny the small pit of fear that sat in his stomach and irked at his mind though. Steve wasn't scared of many things, but the thought of losing Bucky again was definitely something that terrified him to the core. Breaking into the 'Raft,' the sea prison where Sam, Wanda, Scott and Clint were being detained by General Ross was a risk in itself. Breaking into it single handed whilst leaving Bucky on his own unarmed, screamed dangerous. 

Steve liked stealth though, and as he creeped through the corridors on his way to his friends cells, it reminded him of the moment all those years before where he was in a similar position on his way to rescue Bucky. Leaving a trail of unconscious bodies in his wake, Steve thanked the luck that was clearly on his side as he came to a halt outside his friends cells without tripping a single security alarm. 

"Man, am I glad to see you." Sam's voice made Steve smile back at his friend, whilst simultaneously gaining the attention of the other three in the adjacent cells. 

"Steve?" Wanda's delicate accent caused Steve to turn towards one of the other cells. The sight of the young woman chained up and restrained made a spike of rage pierce through his body. For a second, Steve had to remind himself that it wasn't Tony who did this to them, and that throwing blame was not going to help any of them anytime soon. 

"Hey guys, ready to leave this place?" Steve smirked flashing a keycard that he had taken from one of the security guards. 

"Oh hell yes." 

"Please." 

"Fuck yeah." 

"Finally!" 

The combination of yeses made Steve's smirk widen into a smile as he unlocked Sam's cell first; he'd taken another card off of another guard, so that they could work together to get people out quicker. Handing Sam the spare card, Steve immediately turned to Wanda's cell, unable to ignore the look of utmost gratitude that filled the girls face as the cell door opened. Pulling the restraints off of her, Steve returned the hug when she immediately wrapped her arms around him. Himself and Clint had taken it upon themselves to look after her when they'd lost Pietro, and it was something which he had not stopped doing. He knew that she was capable of looking after herself, but Steve couldn't help but see her as the daughter that he'd never have. 

"You ready to go?" He asked softly, aiding her to her feet. He could see the faint glow of her powers coursing underneath the skin of her fingers; residual build up from not having been able to use them for a while. It wasn't dangerous, it was just something which she couldn't help. Wanda nodded at Steve, and the pair stepped out of the cell. Sam had freed both Clint and Scott already, and the trio were waiting for them. 

"Follow me, and stay quiet." 

* 

The route back to the quinjet was quick and deserted other than the unconscious guards. They would start coming round soon, so the quicker they got back on the jet the better. The jet hadn't moved, Steve was thankful to see; the ramp at the back of the jet was lowered and Steve let out a sigh of relief when he saw Bucky standing on his own at the controls. From behind he could hear the low whistle that Sam let out as the small group piled into the plane. 

"What happened to your arm?" Sam's question made Bucky raise his hand self consciously to the warped metal at his shoulder. The remnants of the star peaked out through Bucky's fingers, as a flash of panic flashed across his face. 

"Tony," Steve answered for his silent friend, his eyes skirting over the frayed wires that poked out through the remaining plates at the base. Sorting Bucky's arm was rather high on Steve's current list of priorities; Bucky hadn't said anything about it hurting, but Steve had caught him wincing a few times. He had also seen sparks coming from the base every so often. Scott had shifted so that he could sneak a glance at the mess of metal between the gaps in between fingers. Steve was about to tell the man to stop when Sam whispered to him, "Let him take a look, he has a masters in electrical engineering." 

"Later, for now we need to get the hell outta here." Steve responded, dropping into the pilot seat, smiling softly when Bucky moved quickly to stand behind the chair. The slight reflection in the windscreen showed the cautious smile that was slowly creeping it's way on to the other man's face. It was barely there, but it was enough for Steve as he raised the Quinjet off of the 'Raft'. 

** 

Steve was kicked off of the plane controls after an hour, with Clint taking his place. Sam and Wanda had crashed on some fold out bunks; Steve couldn't help but frown as he saw Wanda rubbing at her wrists in her sleep. The restraints that she'd been forced to wear in the cell had rubbed at the skin, leaving red welts in their place. Bucky had dropped down onto the floor about five minutes into the journey, sitting down and leaning back against the pilots chair. He had shifted almost in tune with Steve as soon as Clint had taken the seat. Bucky followed Steve until they were sat next to each other on one of the folded out bunks. There shoulders brushed against each other, the space between them was non-existent, the same way they had sat since the 1930's. From the other side of the plane Steve could feel Scott's eyes follow them. Sam's earlier comment played on repeat in Steve's head; maybe the man could help fix or remove the damaged remains that was once Bucky's metal arm. 

He heard the spark that echoed from the arm rather than saw it. It was a sharp noise that was quickly followed by a barely audible inhale of breath. Reaching between them, Steve grabbed at Bucky's hand, ignoring the flinch that shook through the brunettes body. "Hey Buck, maybe we could ask Scott over there to take a look at your arm, he might be able to help." There was a pregnant pause before Bucky shook his head slightly, his hair falling into his face. "I'll be there with you." 

"Till the end of the line?" Bucky asked slowly making Steve's heart jump. The words they had said to each other ever since they were kids. Six little words that Steve would do anything for. 

"Till the end of the line. Always." Steve watched as Bucky glanced over at Scott before nodding. Steve squeezed his hand softly in response. "We'll wait until we land; it will be okay Buck. I promise." 

** 

They were still a few hours away from Clint's farm. Clint had said to Steve as they were shifting controls that he was happy to help out with any mission but he was also still very much retired for the most part. They were welcome to stay until they got things sorted; Steve had accepted but he knew that they wouldn't be imposing for long. Bucky was remembering a lot about himself, but some of the things he remembered were the winter soldiers memories, and it wasn't safe for Clint's kids just incase he was triggered. 

Scott had come over to inspect the arm earlier, and had informed them both that the main limb was attached to a shoulder plate. He wouldn’t be able to save any of the arm, but he could remove it up to the shoulder plate. Bucky had simply nodded along staring at the space where his arm had been. Steve wanted to ask if Bucky could remember losing his arm the first time but he knew that it was neither the time nor the place to ask. 

His phone ringing snapped them all to attention; Tony's face appearing on the screen. He had intentionally timed it so that the delivery guy he'd hired was going to turn up at the exact time that he was breaking the team out. It had been over a week since they had fought in Russia, and although their wounds were healing, Steve had to wonder if the wounds in their friendship were healing as well. Maybe he was calling just to shout, maybe Tony was calling to ask for help or maybe he was just calling to build bridges. 

"Stark,"Steve greeted as he accepted the call. 

"Nope! Didn't you hear, it's Stank now. But I think you might already know that." Steve tried his best to disguise the snort that came out. "But anyway, I was just gonna say do you guys need anything? Money? Place to live? My plane?" 

Steve rolled his eyes affectionately. Regardless of how annoying Tony could be, he always tried to do right for people; generally by throwing a large amount of money at them. It appears that currently it was their turn to have money thrown at them. Steve had never encountered a Stark who could apologize with words, they both seemed to think that money was a suitable replacement for one simple word. 

"Tony..." 

"Brooklyn. How about an apartment in Brooklyn. With roof access for my plane." 

"Tony, you really don't have to do that." 

"Just let me help you guys out." 

Steve sighed as Tony continued his ramblings. He sat silently as Tony began having a one-sided conversation over the phone. He couldn’t help but feel slightly pissed off at the way Tony as talking to him, as if the week before they hadn't been trying to seriously injure each other. 

"So that’s sorted for you Cap. Don't panic, it will be completely off record, the General will know nothing about it." The phone was hung up before Steve could even ask what he'd inadvertently agreed to. It was easier just to accept that this was the man's odd attempt at an apology than to question it and start another disagreement. Dropping the phone onto the bed beside him, Steve could feel the eyes of the others burning into him. They were uneasy, and they had every right to be. The last any of them had seen of Tony Stark, he was either stood looking into prison cells, or he was trying to kill. 

"He better have been calling to apologize," Sam mumbled from his bunk, dragging his blanket up over his shoulders. 

"In his own way, I think he was."


	2. Chapter 1

Clint's farm had barely changed since Steve had visited last; walking down the quinjets ramp, Steve kept a firm arm around Bucky's waist. The man's balance had been lost simultaneously with the metal arm; the loss shifted his center of gravity, and Bucky often ended up overbalancing. It was something that he would have to gradually get used to, but Steve was willing to act as walking frame until then. 

It was past midnight, the sky above them was filled with stars. The moon and the stars offered the only light to them as they slowly walked through the yard; the farmhouse was black in front of them, with no light shining through any of the windows. Clint was leading the group, his arm wrapped protectively around Wanda's shoulders. Bucky and Steve followed a step behind, with Sam and Scott bringing up the rear. They looked a right mess, with four of them still in prison uniforms; Steve had to admit that neither himself nor Bucky were the cleanest at that moment either. 

Walking away from Tony during that fight had temporarily left them both as fugitives, so for the previous few days they had confined themselves to the jet. Bucky had been drifting through stages of consciousness for the first three days after the fight, and Steve had refused to start the rescue mission until Bucky was more alert. They'd turned the tracking systems off, and before heading to the Raft they had kept the jet hidden in a forest in the south of Russia. As well equipped as the jet was, it was missing a few simple things; mainly a shower. They had plenty of ration packs, and the jet had a toilet, but the missing shower left them getting steadily grottier with each passing day. Steve dreamt of a few things as he walked up the steps to the front porch; a proper bed, a hot shower and a meal which wasn't dehydrated and from a silver foil packet. 

"Home Sweet Home." Clint announced, swinging the front door open. Steve couldn't help but notice the look of wonder that filled Wanda's face as she took in the sight of Clint's family home. It made him realize that it was the first time she had been in a real family home since she had lost her own as a child; no matter how much money Stark threw into the new Avengers building, it was nothing in comparison to a genuine home. Instead of slick designer sofa's, there was a comfortable worn in sofa adorned in throw blankets to hide stains and areas where the fabric was thinning. Instead of sleek empty tables, there was clutter on nearly all of the surfaces. One thing they hadn't had in the Avengers facility was a very angry wife sat at the foot of the stairs. 

The darkness did nothing to hide the deadly scowl that filled Laura's face. "Hey honey," Clint's form of greeting did nothing to pacify the anger radiating from his wife. In honesty, it appeared to make her even madder. Clint moved his arm off of Wanda's shoulder so he could move forward, rubbing his hands up and down Laura's arms in an attempt to offer comfort. His attempts fell short when Laura snatched one of her arms out of her husband's touch, smacking him around the back of the head in succession.  
"That was from the kids, they're pissed at you and so am I." Clint cupped the back of his head as he stared sheepishly at the floor, nodding along as his wife snapped at him. 

Laura side-stepped around her husband, turning her attention on her next target. The only movement Steve made was shift so that his body was blocking Bucky, he otherwise remained motionless as Laura cuffed him around the back of the head also. "You're meant to protect them, not get them sent to prison!" That confirmed to both Steve and Clint that Natasha had told her about everything that had occurred. Steve braced himself for whatever Laura was going to say to him next; he didn't expect her to pull him down into a tight hug though. He stood still, his arms hanging by sides. Behind him, he could hear Sam and Scott chuckling under their breaths. Those two were going to end up being a menace when together, Steve could just tell. 

Behind him, he could feel Bucky tensed up and braced for an attack. There was an edge of caution that Steve could detect in the tension; rather than being in a position poised to fight, he was standing in a defensive position instead. To his left, he could see the tightness in the way Wanda was holding herself. Her powers had begun sparking slightly ever since the moment Laura had hit Clint around the back of the head. 

Finally Laura released Steve from the one sided embrace, stepping back to take in the roughed up group of six. "I think it's time for Coffee, Pancakes and introductions," her voice was warm, and her smile lit the room. 

Clint flicked a table lamp on, bathing the hallway in golden light, "This is Sam Wilson-" 

"Pleasure to meet you Mam," Sam reached forward offering his hand to Laura, flashing a grin as she batted the hand away and pulled him into a brief hug. 

"This is Scott Lang," 

"You're the guy who stole from VistaCorp weren't you?" Laura received a nod to her question, "Well I hope we'll keep you out of any more prison cells." She jested offering him a hug to Scott as well. 

"I dunno about that, I can't seem to stay away from then," Scott winked. 

Bucky was grateful when Steve reached between them to quickly offer a small squeeze of his fingers; he knew that his introduction would be up next and that terrified him. This was going to be when he was kicked out of the house, and he wouldn't even blame her if she did. If he was in her shoes, he wouldn't want him inside her home either.   
"This man right here is Bucky Barnes," Clint offered the introduction to his wife. 

"Bucky," Laura rolled the name on her tongue softly, "It's very nice to meet you, is it okay if I give you a hug?" Steve couldn't resist the smile that filled his face when Bucky gave a small nod; Laura asking permission had been the best thing she could have done. Steve had struggled a few times at guaranteeing what Bucky's reactions would be, and knew that at best Bucky would flinch away from the simplest of touches. At worst, there was a part of Steve that was grateful that Bucky could no longer swing a punch with a metal fist. 

The hug that Bucky received was slightly shorter than the ones before, but that was because Laura could begin to feel the rising tension in the man's body with every millisecond that passed in the embrace. Pulling away, Laura couldn't help but notice how Bucky almost instantly leaned back into Steve's space. Interesting. 

Turning, she smiled at the young female who was left. "Now, I know who you are. You must be Wanda." Laura pulled Wanda into the tightest hug that she could give."I am so happy I finally get to meet you," she whispered into the younger woman's ear. Clint had spoken often about the twins; he acted like a proud father whenever he caught a glimpse of Wanda in the news. Laura remembered how broken her husband had been when he returned from the fight against Ultron; he told her about an eighteen year old kid had sacrificed his life to save his own. 

Pulling back from the embrace, "Come on I promised pancakes, did they not feed you in prison?" 

* 

Chocolate chip pancakes at two in the morning was something so simple yet so beautiful. Steve, Bucky and Wanda ate them with gusto; having all grown up without this simple childhood luxury. Any awkwardness that had been in the kitchen at the beginning of their 'midnight' snack, had quickly evaporated as Laura did her utmost to make everyone as comfortable as possible. Regardless of whether she was still annoyed at what had occurred, she didn't let it show. 

"I'm afraid we're going to have to make a few of you double up again." Clint started threw a mouthful of food, resulting in a wave of laughter that spread around the table. The small chuckle that fell from Bucky's lips made Steve smile wider; it was good to hear him laugh, even if it wasn't the same laugh that he'd grown up with. Something was always better than nothing. 

Laura dropped a new batch of pancakes onto the serving plate in the middle of the table with a smile as she mock whispered to Steve, "We decided to expand and add a few more guest rooms just in case you all turned up or visited. Clint just hasn't finished them all just yet." 

The table laughed as Clint threw his arms up in defeat, "We've only got three of the rooms ready, but we have a very uncomfortable sofa bed in the office. So fight it out amongst yourself." 

"I'll take the sofa bed," Steve offered quickly, he'd doubted the sofa bed was going to be as uncomfortable as Clint claimed it was; even if it was, he was sure he'd probably slept on worse. Nothing could be worse than the canvas folding bunk that had served as his bed for most of the war; he both simultaneously hated that bed and loved it. 

"I'll share with Steve." Bucky's offer caused Steve's eyebrows to rise. They'd used to share a bed back in the 40's as they couldn't afford another. It had became almost second nature to them to squeeze into a twin sized bad, and after Bucky left for war, Steve struggled to sleep for weeks. Ever since he had found Bucky again, Bucky had made no mention of those memories. 

"Well that was easy," Scott remarked before Steve could even ask 'Are you sure?' 

** 

With pancakes eaten, and the need for food no longer being the pressing matter, sleep was calling. Steve offered Sam and Scott a clap on the shoulder and gently squeezed Wanda's hand as the group were separated to be shown to their rooms. He didn't know why, but he felt awkward as the study door closed behind Bucky and himself. What should have been the most natural thing to him suddenly felt the most alien. Bucky either didn't seem to feel the awkward atmosphere surrounding them and the pulled out bed or he was doing his utmost to ignore it. 

Laura had the rooms all set up and ready for everyone, something which surprised Steve; before he remembered that Natasha had probably called her at some point in the past week. He didn't want to ask if Tony had called her earlier on, but he also knew that it was probably very likely. Tony and Laura were quite friendly with each other ever since the Avengers had crashed at the house during the debacle with Ultron. Steve had to hand it to Tony; he may be the most socially inept out of all of them, but he had a way of making friends in the strangest of places. Clint's house was quite obviously going to be their first port of call after the prison escape, so Tony had probably passed the warning along that she was going to end up with a few strays turning up at some point. 

Clint had closed the study door to them earlier after throwing a pile of clothes at Steve. The clothes were the right size and clearly purchased with him in mind, and that had made Steve want to thank Laura for her consideration. She was clearly the mastermind behind that one, and Steve had to bet she had done the same for Tony, Nat, Bruce and Thor just incase. No doubt she'd be doing the same thing for Sam, Scott, Wanda and Bucky now as well. Bucky paused as he struggled one handed with removing the shirt he was wearing, glancing down at the folded out double bed in between them. 

"We used to do this a lot didn't we?" The tone in Bucky's voice was what stopped the hope rising in Steve. His voice had been do disjointed, and told Steve easily enough that this was one of the things that Bucky hadn't yet remembered. Steve didn't want to know just how much Bucky still didn’t remember, he knew the answer would break his heart. 

"Yh we used to share a bed a lot, we couldn't afford another one. " Steve answered, resisting the urge to let his sadness show on his face. It would do nobody any good if Bucky saw the disappointment at the gaps in his memory. It wasn't Bucky's fault, but Steve wished he could remember; he knew it was selfish, but he still wished. 

"Huh, we shared a bed when you were bigger as well?" 

Steve nodded, "Yh, we'd both gotten so used to sleeping next to each other that we didn't sleep well apart. It also saved us the weight of carrying an extra foldout cot on missions." 

Bucky visibly disappeared into his memories, his face going slack as if he'd resorted back to being the Winter Soldier. After barely a moment, he blinked, shaking his head as he did, "Guess I don't remember it properly... I was the big spoon though wasn't I?" 

It could have been the old Bucky who had said the last part of that sentence, and the realization hurt Steve as he forced himself to smile. The old Bucky was always going to be there in the background and maybe that would hurt less some day. The new Bucky was similar to the past, but seventy years of horror had left scars, both physical and emotional. He was the same man, he just had a lot of experiences and the equivalent of amnesia. Maybe the amnesiac effect on his memories would subside one day; but even if Bucky got his old memories back, it wouldn't mean he'd go back to being the man Steve knew in the 1940's. 

Steve didn't mind though, and regardless of the moments where he wished Bucky would remember some things, he was so grateful to have him stood in front of him. The memories he had of their past was enough, and whatever he didn't remember Steve would be there to talk about them. 

"You were the big spoon when I was smaller than you, but once I got big you became the little spoon instead," Steve smiled, as he remembered the times where they both tried to squeeze onto the ridiculously small army cots. If they had thought squeezing into a twin bed had been difficult, the cot was verging on impossible. Until they got the hang of it, it had resulted in a lot of giggles, and more than one elbow finding it's way into ribs. 

"You gonna be a big spoon this time?" Bucky asked, as he struggled his way into a fresh shirt that Clint had left for them to sleep in. The sweatpants were a lot easier for Bucky to manage one handed; he reminded himself that Scott was going to look at his arm in the morning after they'd all slept. He wasn't going to get a new arm, he knew that, but at the very least he could get rid of the mess of wires that remained. They had hurt when they caught on the fabric of the t-shirt as he pulled it on, and he had to resist the urge to scream out at the pain. It was one of the things Hydra had conditioned into him that he couldn't shake; scream at pain, and he would end of regretting it. He couldn't remember what they had done to him as the punishment for any of his screams, but he knew that it must have been bad. 

Pulling the covers back, Steve slid towards the middle of the sofa bed, waiting and watching as Bucky pulled back the covers on his own side of the bed. Where they had used to fall into a comfortable in each other's arms naturally in the past, they now were forced to shift for several minutes before they both laid comfortably.

"Night Buck," Steve whispered into Bucky's ear, tightening his arm around the other man slightly. The barely audible return of 'Night Stevie', made Steve fall asleep with a silly smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wasn't as long as I had intended it to be, but I felt this was the right place to end this chapter. I wonder if there is every going to be anything I write where I don't want to just coddle poor Bucky.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to start by giving all my thanks to my lovely friend Abi for reconfirming how much this fandom destroys my emotions. I needed this, and I needed this the moment the film reached it's climax. 
> 
> Now a few things to start clearing up, this is going to be a nice on going fic. 
> 
> Sharon/ Steve never occurred in my canon, so wipe that part of the film from your memory. 
> 
> Lots more to come, and I can't wait to begin exploring it. This is just a very short prologue, cause I wanted to be cruel and publish it before the Americans got the film


End file.
